This is an amalgam of 19 random life lessons I’ve learned or relearned as a result of the pandemic. Enjoy.
Life is hard. About every two years you will go through some kind of personal tragedy. About every 10 years there is a society wide catastrophe. Without diving too deep into what would and would not constitute existence, I’ll say that the bad times make the good times possible.
Good times need to include preparation for bad times. If you are already getting your ass kicked by regular ole life, you are really going to struggle when shit goes sideways. Set aside money, strengthen your relationships, keep your body fit, sharpen your mind, and develop your character while you can. You’ll need all that. Life may throw something at you that will take everything you are to overcome. It would be a shame if less than all of you showed up to the fight because you left some of you undeveloped somewhere along the way.
You are capable of more than you think. Every time the dragon of chaos has reared its ugly head, you’ve risen to the occasion. Kill the dragon, get the gold.
When you are in an ambush, you must immediately assault the ambush position. Don’t run. Don’t hide. Fight! James taught me that. If things are so bad that fighting won’t save you running and hiding don’t have a prayer either. Often, those that vow to go down swinging don’t end up going down.
It is too late to earn trust once disaster strikes. “We’re in this together” said the airline that charges you for the extra carryon bag or the gym that signs you up hoping you wouldn’t even come in. The beginning of a pandemic related shut down is NOT the time to begin a trust based relationship with staff and customers.
The truth shall set you free. Very few news sources, politicians, or government institutions shoot straight anymore. There is always some other not so hidden reason for why they say what they say. It’s pretty tragic that we couldn’t trust certain institutions during this time. More tragic is witnessing individuals, friends I otherwise respect, devolve into the daily political lie fest. Most people have become perfectly accepting of lies and half truths as long as it makes someone they don’t like look bad. It’s bipartisan and it sucks. The fix is for everyone to take personal responsibility for communicating as truthfully as you possibly can in every interaction. Stop debating straw men because you are too lazy to give an opposing view careful thought. Stop trying to piss off people you disagree with. Stop sharing stuff when you are angry. “Yeah but so and so is WAY worse” is no excuse for being less than YOU should. Trying to communicate honestly and trying to show someone how stupid they are are two completely different goals. The first one is the better one. Perhaps we can begin to expect more of our media, politicians, and institutions once we expect more of ourselves.
What you water will grow. What pieces of you would you like to grow? What better angels can you listen to and what little devils on your shoulder can you ignore? Be careful what plant you are watering when you share your angry facebook post or when you have another drink when you are in a terrible mood. What would you like to ripple out?
Emergency funds. Ive been doing a lot of rethinking of my emergency fund budget. First, it is no longer just finances. Without becoming a full blown prepper, stockpiling some dry goods and emergency supplies is now crucial. I’ve also realized I need to have lawyers fees included in what I set aside. Despite already possessing quarantine authorities and other legal ways to manage the pandemic, my state government relied on unconstitutional executive orders. This was fine at first but quickly devolved into an orgy of special interest activity. I need to be prepared to legally defend mine and my customers rights when this happens in the future. The only reason I didn’t have to do that this time was luck. It sucks but it is what it is.
Don’t be naive. You need to watch your back. Being kind is important but sadly, it is not good enough in this life. Even more sadly, sometimes if you make it obvious that you are kind but not much else, you’ll get targeted by people who want to harm you. Witnessing the game of thrones style games that were involved in the reopening process left a very sour taste in my mouth. Some people really worked hard to capitalize on the tragedy in the most destructive ways possible. You have to watch out for those long knives.
Secure your own oxygen mask before helping others. You have to take care of yourself so that you can take care of others. A broke person can’t give someone else a buck. A weak person can’t help someone carry their load.
Gratitude will save you. Look for gratitude and you’ll see it. Complain and your brain will naturally look for things to complain about. You don’t react based on what you see in the world around you. The world around you is shaped by your mindset. Get in a gratitude mindset and it doesn’t just make you see the brighter side of things. It literally makes your reality better.
Meaning is a better goal than happiness. The problem with always trying to be happy is that life is regularly hard enough that you’ll often be left with happiness in short supply. If happiness was the whole goal, and you have none, it is easy to get caught in “what is the point” thinking. Giving the devil his due, what is the point? Maybe the point is to pursue meaningful activities and in so doing, happiness can come when it can come. Helping the community in my gym gives me a tremendous amount of meaning.
Don’t drink when you aren’t in a good mood. Enough said.
Youtube, Facebook, and newspapers aren’t scientific research. I don’t know what is worse sometimes, someone sharing a widely debunked youtube “documentary” or someone sharing an equally fallacy filled “listen to science” facebook meme. Not all doctors or scientists are created equal. Most news sources are too mired in their various political agendas to consistently report accurately. “We need to just trust scientists” is a weird phrase. Scientists don’t even trust scientists. That is why there is peer review and double blind standards of research. Scientists are humans and humans are flawed. “Science” isn’t some all knowing being that us dumb apes should just listen to. It is a complex process that takes time and attempts to carve out small slivers of facts to help inform our broader understanding. When understood and used properly, it is powerful. Snarky facebook memes ain’t it.
Tunnel vision is dangerous. After 9/11, we were all scared and rightfully so. We never thought we could be so vulnerable and we were all terrified of the next attack. Almost 20 years later we now know that invading and then attempting to rebuild entire countries is a costly and destructive way to prevent terror attacks from non state entities. While that may seem obvious now, I’ll remind you that only 25 percent of Americans opposed the invasion of Iraq, and you probably weren’t in that 25 percent. “I was against it from the beginning” is sort of like “I was at woodstock”. A few hundred thousand actually were at woodstock. MILLIONS say they were. Our tunnel vision to one legitimate threat in the post 9/11 world we now realize didn’t work out great. I wish more people would recognize we are currently locked in fear with tunnel vision focused solely on one threat right now.
Trying not to make things worse is a great goal. I think people don’t like it because we like to underestimate how much we shoot ourselves in the foot. Cut the booze, cut the junk food, cut the negativity, and at least don’t add to the tragedy. It works!
Look for who to emulate, not who to criticize. The people who have risen to this occasion are manifold. If you want some inspiration, look at the parents and teachers right now! I am in awe. Look for good people and you’ll find them. Look for bad people to criticize and you’ll find them. You’ll also be miserable and exhausted. Choose wisely.
Freedom comes with responsibility. I’ve repeatedly heard variants of “I am so sick of people talking about their freedom!” which is a bummer phrase to hear as a Veteran. I don’t begrudge those who’ve expressed it. They are tired and admittedly I am too. Words like freedom and liberty aren’t political talking points. They should not be selectively favored. I have the freedom of speech to say horrible things. But I can better advocate for that freedom by saying good things, truthful things, even when they aren’t popular. I have the inalienable right to operate my business, but I have the responsibility to do so safely. Somehow when I talk about the sovereignty of an individual it seems like I don’t exhaust people who are “sick of people talking about their freedom”. Perhaps it is because I try to be the kind of individual even they would want to be sovereign. Acting as if you are worthy of the freedom isn’t technically required but it sure helps.
Silence is a lie if you have something to say. I spoke out about how lobbying was influencing the reopening of my state inappropriately. I could see what was happening and I knew that delays did not have to do with safety. They had to do with who could capitalize on the situation by exerting political influence. If you have something to say, organize your thoughts as best as you can, check your ego, check your conscience, and then SAY IT.
